Home 40 days and 40 nights!

Mount Baker from our vantage point. Stirs up many emotions.

Just like the title of the 2002 romantic comedy movie “40 Days and 40 Nights”….this is where we are with our time since getting home from the USA. We quarantined for 14 days and then continued to stay home as per our BC health minister Dr. Bonnie Henry’s mandate. We just hit the 40 day milestone today.

This 40 days has been a time filled with many emotions. It is, for me, a spiritual time. It is a time where we have all been forced to stop “LIFE IN THE FAST LANE!” We have been prescribed this time….. confined within our 4 walls, either alone or with our spouse, many households full of small children or teens, possibly elderly parents. We have had to suppress some of our fears and emotions so as to live in harmony with those we share our spaces with.

I know that when this Coronavirus is behind us….whenever that may be….the world is going to come out of it CHANGED. I truly believe this. I think what this time is teaching most of us is “what is really important in our lives”.

There are hundreds of human emotions and in keeping with the title of this post being about 40 days and 40 nights…..I’m going to share 40 human emotions that I have experienced during this time. Maybe you can relate to some of them. I’ve put them in alphabetical order rather than order of experience.

  1. Admiration: I admire Dr. Bonnie Henry, our BC Health Officer. Everyday we watch her update on the BC Coronovirus situation. She remains calm and level headed and steers our province in the right direction. I also admire our federal government. They are acting on behalf of Canada to keep us safe.
  2. Adoration: This time has reinforced the love and adoration I have for my sweetie. During this 40 days he has been my rock, just as he has been for our 30 years together. He is the love of my life.
  3. Age-Otori: what is that you ask? It’s a Japanese expression for “the bad feeling one gets after a terrible haircut”. Yes, that is correct. I gave Paul and I a haircut during this time. His is good. Mine not so……but the nice thing about hair is that it grows.
  4. Agitation: When I watch the news, especially the US news, I get this sense of nervous agitation.
  5. Alienation: This is usually short lived but once in awhile we just need to talk to others outside of our day-to-day. It is nice to talk with our neighbours on the front patios each evening at 7:00 p.m. as we bang pots and pans in support of the healthcare and essential service people working the front lines.
  6. Amazement: As we sit out on our back deck and watch the hummingbirds dip their beaks into our feeders we are amazed at their ability to hover like a helicopter. We can hear their wings flapping from quite a distance. That is amazing.
  7. Amusement: We have been “binge-watching” some good Netflix dramas. During the Covid19 evenings at home we have enjoyed Greenleaf, Ozark and are now deep into “Nashville”. Good stories. Great amusement.
  8. Anger: I get angry when CNN is on because I don’t like what I see or hear in the news from our neighbours south of the border. We have many American friends whom we love and care about but I get angry when I hear about their political issues.
  9. Anticipation: We have been making a regular habit of taking our little Shih Tzu, Riley, out for a walk/scooter toot/puppy poop daily around 3:00 p.m. and then returning to our home for a home brewed latte. That is the hour I anticipate the most. First of all the fresh air on the walk in nature, followed up by a latte, for us, is our “happy hour”.
  10. Anxiety: I’d be lying if I didn’t include anxiety in the long list of emotions we experience. Anxiety is the emotion we feel worrying about whether one of our family members, friends or even ourselves were to contract this crazy virus.
  11. Apprehension: We live on a beautiful mountain with two spectacular golf courses. One of our courses has remained open for members only, with restrictions, to protect staff and members. We have been very “apprehensive” about getting out to play golf. But…we have now nipped that apprehension as we are going golfing Monday morning with friends….social distancing all the way!
  12. Awareness: We have become more aware of the beauty and pleasure in the small things.
  13. Boredom: Maybe just a little. I have not been bored at all during this time but I do see my sweetie show a slight lean towards boredom once in awhile. He is a doer. We have done many jobs around our home that we procrastinated on. Now that those jobs are done…he is kind of bored. The cars are getting washed frequently even though they aren’t out of the driveway to get dirty.
  14. Calmness: We have been able to enjoy spring sunshine and warmth on our back deck listening to birdsong. There is no noise other than birds as we look out to pristine nature. Five minutes out there and you are definitely in a state of calm.
  15. Caring: As we watch the news stories of families in pain from losing loved ones from Coronavirus, we care. We feel their pain.
  16. Comfort: We feel comfortable in our home, comfort with each other, comfort with our situation, comfort knowing our loved ones are safe.
  17. Compassion: We have close friends who are dealing with serious health issues during this time and we feel such compassion for their suffering. If I could just do more to help them……
  18. Confidence: We have a lot of confidence in our provincial and federal governments who are looking out for our best interests in this whole big chaotic world.
  19. Cravings: Oh yes…..despite our healthy nutrition plan….during this time of being “shut in” we have cravings for those delicious…. but not so good for us “carbohydrates”.
  20. Distraught: I have been a little worried about the outcome of all of this, not for me, but for others who have lost jobs, income, loved ones. I also feel this when seeing nurses and doctors in the ER trying to save lives while keeping themselves safe.
  21. Empathy: We feel a deep understanding of the pain others are feeling during this crisis.
  22. Fear: Of course we all feel fear right now. We fear becoming victims of this virus, we fear for our loved ones and we fear for our fellow Canadians.
  23. Frustration: I am frustrated with the millions of scammers out there preying on other people. I’ve had attempts by fraudsters, to get into my personal life…..and that is the height of FRUSTRATION. Why are there people in this world out to take what isn’t theirs?
  24. GRATITUDE: My favorite emotion. I try to live from a place of gratitude. Since processing my life changes from MS, gratitude has moved to the top of my list. When you focus on what you do have, what you don’t have doesn’t matter.
  25. Grief: We grieve the loss of the many people around the globe who have succumbed to this virus. We grieve for affected families who cannot be with their loved ones as they take their last breath. We grieve the lack of closure for families as there are no funerals permitted at this time.
  26. Helplessness: This feeling comes to me when I see the struggles of others as a result of this virus closing down schools, businesses, lost jobs, etc.
  27. Homesickness: This feeling comes to me when I talk to my Mom on the phone (daily). I am trying to help her keep well, groceries in her home, spirit up etc. She lives in Ontario and I am in BC. A long distance apart but phone calls are keeping us close. I miss the whole big family on both sides….Paul’s family and mine.
  28. Impatience: Maybe a bit impatient but getting less and less as the days go by. “Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you are waiting.”
  29. Joy: I live in a place of joy more so post MS diagnosis than ever in my life. I feel joy in the simplest of things….like just having the energy to make dinner makes me joyful. To look out to nature from our living room makes me joyful. “Without pain, how could we know joy?”
  30. Love: For Paul, my family, my friends, my nation, my life.
  31. Optimism: I have hope for the future of this planet. More specifically I have so much optimism for the healing of my friends who are battling ills right now.
  32. Pity: It pains me to see the suffering in the world right now. God, give us all the strength to come back from this as a better world.
  33. Relaxation: On many of these days we just have no other choice than to relax and with that comes healing tranquility.
  34. Reluctance: I have been very reluctant to leave our home for anything. With my MS, I am reluctant to take chances so I have been getting groceries delivered instead of going to the store. We have been hesitant about joining our friends on the golf course. The tee time on Monday is an indication that our reluctance is waning.
  35. Sadness: Aside from the sadness seen on the news each day, I have two dear friends who are battling different kinds of Cancer and I feel sadness for their struggles. I am very sad that both have to go through this as part of their journeys.
  36. Tension: I think the whole world is in a state of tension. Deep breathing and meditation help me to shake it off.
  37. Vulnerability: We are all vulnerable to this virus….young, middle age, elderly, healthy, fit, unfit, pre-existing conditions etc. We are all just one big planet of vulnerable humans.
  38. Wonder: I am always in awe of nature. It amazes me at every turn…from trees, to birds, to animals, to people. There is wonder in everything.
  39. Worry: Of course I worry. We are all worried to some degree. Worried for our families, our communities, our friends, our country, our planet and our fellow man.
  40. Yearning: I/we have an intense longing for this to all be over so that people can get back to living their lives….but with a better approach to LIFE! I yearn for society to come back to life after this RESET with less focus on money and material and more focus on the love and healing this planet so desperately needs.

I bet you feel the same human emotions that I have shared with you today.

I send you a big “cyber hug”. We are all in this together.

Stay well.

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